Unfair and totally legal...

Sometimes I just don't understand people's thought process. Something inside their brain just doesn't work the way mine does. And yet, though they make a mistake that causes my stomach to turn into knots, there is nothing I can do about it, because in the eyes of the law, it's not illegal. Just maybe unethical or stupid. And it's not fair. I have been trying to look at his from the other person's point of view, but I just can't do it!

Imagine you are babysitting a child whom you know well and whose parents you know well. Maybe you are even best friends with the parents and they ask you to watch their child a few times a year. And this time, the parents are gone for the weekend and you are watching their child for two, maybe three days. While the parents are gone, you decide that the child should have his/her ears pierced. You think they look great and can't wait to show the parents how gorgeous their child looks with these holes in his/her ears.

Now, this is hard for me to imagine myself doing because I wouldn't do something to a child that is not my own, no matter how much I love the child or how much I think I am like family to that child. Altering a child's appearance is a decision that should be left to the parents. Let me rephrase that...Altering a child's appearance is a decision that should be left to the person/people responsible for raising that child.

In child custody laws, there are two kinds: physical custody, and legal custody. Physical custody refers to who the child lives with the majority of the time. Sometimes physical custody is split 50-50 when the parents live close to one another. Other times, physical custody means the child lives with one parents for most of the year, and visits with the other a few times due to distance or other reasons. Legal custody means the child legally still "belongs" (for lack of a better term) to a parent, or both. If while in the presence of one parent the child becomes injured, if the parent has legal custody (though not necessarily physical custody), that parent can make a decision for the child to get the medical help they need. Legal custody allows the parent to make decisions for the child; decisions the child would not necessarily be able to make for themselves.

So, in theory, a parent could have legal custody but not physical custody and still decide whether to pierce a child's ears, get them a tattoo, cut their hair, get rid of their glasses and give them contacts, whatever, all because they still legally have that right.

Something like this happened to a friend close to me. She has full physical custody of their daughter, her ex-husband has visitation a few times a year, and they both still have legal custody over their child. My friend raises her daughter by herself; her ex lives far enough away that he doesn't help. He's supposed to pay child support, but he hasn't in a long time, and my friend is not in a financial position to try to take him to court over it. She makes all the day-to-day decisions for her daughter. She pays for school, lessons, food, clothes, housing, extra fun activities her daughter enjoys, has to make sure her daughter does her homework, completes her chores; all the joys of being a parent. My friend does this all on her own. Yet, this summer, while her daughter was on vacation with her ex and his family, my friend's ex decides to get the daughter's hair cut. Short. Very short. No calls to the mom to make sure it's alright, just up and does it.

Legally, he's within his right. My friend can't sue him for it. But ethically, it's just not fair. What gives him the right to avoid taking any responsibility for his child, yet make an appearance-altering decision for her. I know that hair grows back, but still! That's not something you do for someone who in all other terms is a stranger to you. At least not without consulting the other parent. What's next? Nose piercings and "I Love Dad" tattoo's?

Unfair. At least it seems that way to me. Am I wrong?

Warning: Safety Scissors do not prevent accidents

Safety Scissors: blunted tips to prevent cutting of little fingers, cuts through felt, construction paper, yarn and ribbon. Oh yeah! And hair!!!

I'm not sure what the fascination is with little kids cutting their own hair. I never did it. Perhaps it was because I learned early on that my hair is hard enough to deal with, let alone with an amateur trimming. Neither my sister nor I cut our own hair as children. I suppose a lot of it has to do with curiosity, but probably also the independent feeling that comes with it. "I know how to use scissors, so why should Mommy or Daddy take me to someone else to cut my hair? I'll just do it myself!" Honestly, I don't know what kids think when they do something like this. The explanation I always hear is, "I wanted to cut my hair." Who knows.

But when a child cuts their own hair, I revert back to the old gun vs. person theory: guns don't kill people, people kill people. I don't know where I stand on this issue, and right now, I don't care where anyone else stands on this issue. But when it comes to kids cutting their own hair, that's the argument, sort of. Is the child responsible for cutting their hair, or is the adult in the room/house responsible for leaving the scissors around? Sure, the child made the decision to cut their hair, but they couldn't have done it if the scissors were put out of reach. Remove the object of temptation, you eliminate the crime. Kinda.

I don't care if the object of temptation was a pair of safety scissors. I know a child is less likely from physically hurting them self with a pair, but that doesn't mean the scissors won't cut things they aren't meant for. If it can cut yarn, it can cut hair. And children aren't too rational. They don't think of consequences beyond a few minutes. You cannot expect a 4-year-old to know not to cut their own hair, or anyone else's hair for that matter. So, who is to blame? Who should have their T.V. privilege taken away? Who should have to sit in the penalty box for as many minutes as they are years old?

Safety scissors are just safer knives. Not a guarantee that they won't be used for their primary purpose. Don't use your hair dryer in the bathtub. Do not ingest household cleaner. Do not leave scissors of any kind near an unattended child.

Common Sense? Apparently not. Now I get to make a "fix-it" appointment with my stylist.