My "Mean Mommy" moment

Where did my 5-year-old go? From princess dress-up to being grounded in no time at all.

Yesterday we had a pretty laid-back day planned. Church in the morning, quick lunch and a nap, then head to Disneyland to celebrate our associate minster's birthday ("Em" and I have become very close to "Opal" since she came to our church a little over a year ago).

I told Em to lay in her bed and stay quiet until I told her it was time to get up; I didn't mind if she didn't nap, but I knew I needed one before we headed to The Happiest (and most tiring) Place On Earth.

When I felt refreshed enough, I went into Em's room to let her know it was time to go. Just as I pushed her door open, I saw her roll over onto her side facing away from me as fast as she could. Uh oh. When I said it was time to get up, she slowly rose from the pillow looking groggy and said, "I didn't even hear my alarm go off." Double uh oh. Two lies in 10 seconds.

I called her on it and asked what she'd been doing when I walked in. "Napping" she said. When I asked her not to lie to me and tell me the truth, or we weren't going to go to Disneyland , she told another lie, that she was trying to see what time it was on her clock (which was behind her before she rolled over). She went through about 3 more lies before I gave up trying to get the truth out of her.

So, I had to pull the "mean mommy" card and not take her to Disneyland. Big bummer for me because I wanted to go play again (even though I'd been there twice in the last week already) and celebrate Opal's birthday. "Everyone" was going, but it wouldn't sit right with me if I gave Em the reward of Disneyland for her lies. So I "grounded" her. I told her why we weren't going to Disneyland, that it hurt my feelings that's she'd lied to me, and that she had to stay in her room until dinnertime. She could read her books or play with toys that were in her room, but not come downstairs to play, watch a movie, or play on the computer. She's 5 after all, I can't ban her to her room and make her do nothing all day. She'd fall asleep from the boredom and miss the point alltogether.

It took her about an hour to apologize and tell me the real truth (she was looking at her books on the bookshelf). We discussed that she wouldn't have been in trouble if she'd told me that right away, but now she was grounded because of the lies she told. We also discussed that while telling the truth won't always keep her out of trouble, if she lies, she'll be in even bigger trouble.

By the time dinner was ready 5 hours later, Em told me that she didn't like being grounded. I asked her if she remembered why she'd been grounded, and she replied "because I lied."

Sweet! Lesson learned....I hope.

Re-programming

"Em" returned from her dad's house this past weekend; she officially came home Monday night after spending the day with me at Disneyland.

Every summer after she's been with "Jake," my parents and I have to essentially "re-program" "Em" back to normal. One year she came back from her summer visitation responding to every request with, "I can't, I'm too little." Another summer it was a not-so-cute saying; if you complimented her on how cute she looked, she's flip her hair with her hand and say, "And I know it!" Oy. Last year we didn't have any major re-programming, but we did have to re-cut her hair after she cut it while at "Jake's" house.

This year, it's tears. Every little frustration or when she doesn't get her way, she cries. Not quite temper-tantrum, but rubbing her eyes, face scrunching up and water running down her cheeks; enough tears that she needs a few minutes to compose herself. Wrong pajamas: tears. I give her the wrong stuffed animal: tears. I suggest she use a different box to store her earrings: tears.

I'm assuming that while "Em" was visiting "Jake" and his parents, she cried a couple of times and saw how quickly they tried to appease her. And just about every parents knows what happenned then: she learned that tears=what she wants.

We have one week until school starts and I am desperately trying to get her back to normal. When she was little, the rule was she had to sit in the penalty box for disobeying or deliberately doing something she wasn't supposed to. And it worked; she quickly learned how boring it is and doesn't do it anymore. So I'm hoping that a few times in the penalty box will fix this little problem. 5 minutes is a long time for a child. 1 weeks is even longer for this mom (and grandparents!) if it takes that long to go back to normal.